Bristol Palin Dumped That Hot,Backwoods Guy

Our abstinence correspondent Formerly Fundamentalist has been thinking a lot about Bristol and Levi's breakup:

Levi & Bristol: Totes dunzo. Send out the Gossip Girl blast.

Everyone with a goddamn blog or news program is waxing googley about it like they’re Bayside’s Lisa Turtle. Under abstinence-education discussion cloaks, political party punditry veils (I’m looking at you Fox & Friends, Rove) and even transparent KGB-levels of invitations into her womb-decisions, everyone’s acting like this is news but really it’s just two teenagers with a bastard kid who broke up. SHIT HAPPENS.

Admittedly, I held some interest at first – even expressing to Therese I found their relationship “intriguing”. But after the hazel-smolder of Levi’s eyes sogged, I left intrigue for “dur”. Is this really that shocking?

Unfortunately, the political and literal sins of politicos, celebutards, Ponzi-schemers—bring exposure of the intimate and dumb details of their children, every bit of it sound bitable. Then you’ve got “journalists” presenting gossip as important. Like, srsly, makes me want to vom. Srsly.

What’s up with Greta Van Sustren? Here’s a paraphrased run down of her riveting and probing questions of 18-year-old Bristol; I learned so, so much. “Is it hard?” Yes. “Do you sleep?” No. “Does the family help?” Yes, even the short one. “Do you wish you would have waited?” YES. Really revealing: a teenager in a conservative, middle class family fucked up and now everyone is dealing with it. NEXT.

Then you’ve got this guy: Steve Waldman from HuffPo. He dares to ask, “Should Bristol Palin’s Baby Have Been Put Up for Adoption?

Answer: None of your goddamn business, STEVE.

Hey, I agree: adoption is commonly left off the options list, but this topic is a fruitless, certainly rotten one as

1) Bristol obviously desired motherhood, just came early – but not at 13-years-old-early. She’s a fucking adult for Obama’s sake.

2) She has a shit ton of family and resources to help – a privilege for even a married woman in her 20s or 30s.

3) It's dangerous territory to mess around in. When you start questioning someone’s reproductive choice, you are on a slippery slope to the puritanical disembowelment of Roe v Wade.

Bristol isn’t who she’s going to be, not by a long shot. I’ve changed in a thousand different ways since I was 18 – since I was 29. She’s going to be OK. She’s got support, love for Tripp and opportunity. This experience will most assuredly shape her worldview over the next few years. And really, I wouldn’t be surprised if at 21, she gave the big “fuck you” to mama’s GOP. Whatever happens – we’ll know.