Thanks to Harold for alerting us to Dan Savage's latest podcast #177, which includes two questions about older virgins. They're in the middle of the podcast, so I included time codes to help you find them. Dan's his usual straightforward and entertaining self with, I think, good and sensitive advice for both callers.
The first call we dedicate to a recent commenter who felt too humiliated to tell someone she was still a virgin at 26. Take heart in this:
At 15:37, a 38-year-old guy wants to pursue a romantic relationship with close friend, but he's concerned because she's 36 and still a virgin. (How does he know? She told him!) He is sexually experienced, so he wants Dan to give him advice on how to make her feel as comfortable as possible. The fact that he's taken the time to ask this makes him tops in my book already and he seems pretty savvy on how to do it: be patient, make it fun and sensual, don't push the penetration until she's really comfortable and ready.
One thing the caller gets wrong is assuming women who put off sex end up with some sexual disfunction. Not so, says Dan. In fact, it's the older male virgins who tend to have disfunction in this area. For the gals, it's all about having a comfortable, painless, non-forced experience. We wish both of them good luck and awesome sex.
The second call is dedicated to everyone who things they're too (fill in the blank) to ever have sex:
At 20:52, a straight 36-year-old women tells us she's virgin and really doesn't want to be. She sounds really sad about her disastrous Craig's List dates and ongoing rejection, blaming it on the fact that she's overweight. Oh, girl - There are so many hot larger ladies around that get plenty of play!
Dan tells her to be totally upfront about her size and only talk to guys who are interested in larger women (there are plenty, and definitely not just pervy fetish ones). It sounds like a cliché, but a bit of confidence goes a really long way, no matter what your size. I really hope she takes his advice to heart and gets busy.
1 comment:
I am 32 year old female and still a virgin. But not by choice and I would like to change my situation sometime soon. It's not that I didn't want to have intimate relationships with men...it just seems that I always got attention from unavailable men. A missionary and three married men to be exact. Until recently I didn't realize there was a pattern going on until my 32nd birthday when a married man at my party told me that the clothes I got "would make my hips look good". Maybe it was just innocent flirtation but for someone who only receives male attention from the wrong kind of men, it got to me emotionally. I've recently discovered that I am not good at receiving positive male attention even though I desperately need it. For a while I convinced myself that I didn't need it. I think because it made me feel too vulnerable (I had an abusive distant father and a mother who has had her share of bad relationships and I did not want the same to happen to me). I'm starting to understand all these issues I have with men and trust and I'm trying to move forward and date but it's hard. Can you give me any suggestions on what to do when you want intimacy but have a hard time trusting?
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