I hear a lot from older virgins, so this item popped out at me. Em & Lo, who are mostly all about sex, sex and then more sex, recently ran this interesting question:
I’m 34 and I’ve never had a boyfriend. I was molested as a child and raped as an adult. I’ve never had consensual sex. Yet I have intensely sexual dreams. I’ve had years of counseling, but the fear of having a sexual relationship remains.They recommend more trauma therapy, either privately or in a group. And also have some dandy sex-for-one tips, if for those so inclined. And there's also this commentary on our sexualized culture:
I isolate myself from men. The only ones I feel comfortable around are gay or married. I feel ostracized from a society which places such a high priority on sex, and I feel I am missing out on life because of my limitations. Am I really missing out? Is it possible to live a complete life without sex?
We know it’s hard being constantly bombarded by sexual imagery in the media, but please understand that the majority of it is a fantasy, one that’s often orchestrated simply to get us to buy products (even stuff as mundane as instant rice!).What do you think? Can you live without sex?
The reality is that while sex can be fun and exhilarating and bonding, it can also be messy and stressful and unfulfilling. We’re certain our society’s obsession with sex, especially idealized sex, has led to an awful lot of disappointment in the sack.
Add to that the sad fact that sex can be used as a weapon of violence and subjugation, and we see nothing wrong with people — especially people who’ve been through the kind of trauma you have — choosing celibacy, if that’s what’s right and works for them.
2 comments:
I'm 21 and still a virgin. I was brutally sexually assaulted as a toddler and there are still physical scars from the assault, besides all of the mental ones. I don't feel that me remaining a virgin this long is something I would've chosen if not for the assault. I have a natural respect for sex itself and I'm quite open in talking about it and exploring it (with myself) but a whole bunch of neuroses I'm usually not aware I have come into play when the chance to explore it with someone else pops up. I have no problems being friends with guys (especially because of how hard I am to offend) but it becomes a different thing all together when the issue of sex comes up.
I think there's so much media focus on sex that it seems impossible to live without it, but I view it as a bit of a hype phenomenon. Sort of how seeing so many reaction videos to 2 Girls, 1 Cup makes you wonder what all of the fuss is about. Sex has lost its place as a natural part of living, and I think that contributes to all of the pressure to have a sex life and start early. It's been turned into a commodity to own.
I don't personally wish to go my whole life celibate, particularly because I seem to be a naturally sexual person and it seems that exploring my sex life will be the best way for me to heal from my trauma. I think that it's possible to live without sex, that people exist who are truly asexual and don't see the need for it or who have good reasoning for avoiding it.
People who are crippled physically should not be looked at as being "less than"...
Why, then, are those of us who have been crippled emotionally/mentally by others be looked at as being "less than" or "unloveable" ??
Where do WE go to meet people of the opposite sex who for whatever reason choose not to engage in physical sexual acts?
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