We're doing a lot of research on films about virginity loss, so I recently saw 'The 40-Year-Old Virgin," a film I hadn't seen since it was in the theaters. It was one of my faves that year, but I wondered if after working on a film about virginity, I'd have a different take on it. I ended up laughing out loud like a fool for most of it, which is embarrassing because I was in the middle of the Y at the time.
What really struck me, though, was how sweet it was. The chemistry between Steve Carell and Catherine Keener's characters was lovely. It was also great to see the Paul Rudd character obsessing over an old girlfriend, playing a role women are usually assigned. My gym buddy M. says the film reminds her of all the guys she went to MIT with. I think it's a great film on a lot of levels. So, I'm wondering:
Since we've had some comments from older virgins on this site, what do you think about the film? Is it in any way your experience? Love it? Hate it? Let us know...
August 4, 2009
Revisiting "The 40-Year-Old Virgin"
5 comments:
As romantic comedies go, I thought 40YOV was pretty solid. As mentioned, it either avoided or flipped around some of the traditional rom-com stereotypes, and I liked the contrast between Andy's "abnormal" situation and the experiences of his supposedly well-adjusted work mates.
What I wonder, though, is just how analogous the Andy character is to real-life older virgins. Here you have a guy who, other than completely shunting aside all things romantic, lives what would seem to be a pretty decent life -- keeps himself in good shape, affable to those around him (i.e. not a recluse or hikikomori) and can hold down a respectable, steady job. The "traumas" of his romantic life stem from comedic mishaps rather than anything more severe or tragic, though such things would likely be out of place in a widely released rom-com.
Also, the uptick in his overall life once he gives love another chance just seems a bit too perfect. A chance meeting with The Right Woman brings our hero out of his shell and sees him climb the ziggurat at work into middle management, get married and eventually start his own business. It'd be great if it all worked out like that, and far be it from me to begrudge anyone (fictional or not) such happiness, but it's all too pie-in-the-sky to these admittedly cynical eyes.
I did experience a fair few pangs of empathy during the film, but that was about the extent to which I could identify with the lead character. I'm a 28-year-old, hetero male virgin, largely of my own doing. I willingly entered a profession that required me to work long, strange hours (mostly nights and weekends), one that I knew would severely limit any chance I had of a social life. Having gone 10 years without anything resembling a date, it's more than lived up to its advance billing.
While 40YOV gives us a best-case scenario for a later-life virgin, I'd still give it a solid B. Well done, gut-bustingly funny in parts and touching in others, rises above the usual stereotypes and treats a subject normally a target for derision and cheap laughs with an unexpected sensitivity.
Enjoyable movie, and it treats the main characters in all their dysfunction with a healthy degree of sensitivity.
Among the problems I had was Andy's complete lack of knowledge of the female body. He's a virgin, not living in a cave.
Also, he displayed no nervousness about having substantially less experience than his girlfriend. No scenes of him wondering, "Is she only with me because she could not be with her ex-husband? Is she just lowering her standards?"
And, this may seem unfair, but Catherine Keener's character was far more understanding than such a woman would be in real life, IMHO. Like it or not, most women do not want old virgins.
- Ted
Women: Can you say if its true "women do not want old virgins"?
I don't think any blanket statements like 'women do not want old virgins' are very useful. For example: some women like experienced partners, some don't have this preference. Same for men.
From hundreds of letters and comments, my impression is that it's not the 'virginity' that's the issue. Things like lack of confidence, anger over anticipated rejection, and generally underdeveloped social skils - things which may result from having little experience with intimacy - are the things that might turn a potential partner off.
I know several men who didn't become intimate until later in life, but brought openness, humor, honesty and trust to potential relationships. These were the things that helped them communicate with their partners, figure out what each of them needed, and develop intimate relationships in a time frame that was comfortable.
Others, please weigh in with your own thoughts.
I'm a 31 years-old female and just lost my viriginity a few months ago so I watched this movife with great interest and fear at the same time. I was wondering what kind of awful, old clichés would be used in that comedy and make it even more difficult admitting my situation to anyone.
So I was pleasantly surprised by the40YOV because they don't portray the main character as a freak, he is actually quite likeable, adn just painfully shy. He is very lucky to meet such a comprehensive woman but these things do happen and their love story was really sweet.
Before watching it I was afraid it would reinforce some stupid stereotypes and portray virgins as creeps. Now I am glad it actually put the topic on the table and made some people think about the reality of odler virgins.
AT
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