First Person: "The guys who don't participate in the bravado are looked upon as unmanly, gay or inexperienced."

From time to time, we run a First Person culled from our comments section. One of our most popular threads is older virgins, and this post in particular has inspired a lot of discussion. Here SWAB talks about masculinity and sexuality, and the parts guys don't discuss but should. Please send us an email if you'd like to tell your story.

I've worked many different jobs. Usually it is the lower class, lower paid jobs where there is much talk of sexual bravado. Many guys talk about Friday from 5pm to early Monday morning being one long porn movie. The guys who don't participate in the bravado are looked upon as unmanly, gay or inexperienced.

Being tight-lipped will get you this reputation. This is a form of sexual harassment many men must endure that really isn't talked about in society. Even if they lose their virginity at 18, they will hear boasting in the locker room at 16 and feel either left out or try to make something up to fit in.

Most of this bragging is about status and power. It's kind of like someone driving an SUV to "prove" they have value. You can see in many of the posts of older male virgins the cruelty they have been subjected to. There is inequity and power play between the haves/have nots.

I remember other males boasting about sex. My feelings were very different. Even though I love sex there were and are many awkward moments. You'll never hear a guy bragging about the difficulty about getting a condom on, awkwardness about different positions, trouble getting in there or sliding out in the throes of passion, coming too soon etc...

Ironically, I didn't feel more masculine/powerful after losing my virginity. First time was awkward and I was happy to have it over with, like finishing finals at school. I did not have any male friends to discuss the experience with. Obviously I did not discuss with my family. I did not have any contact with the girl afterwards.

I felt that skydiving was more of a step towards manhood and realized that I had done something most men and woman will never try. This is somewhat elitist, I also somehow feel more "experienced" when discussing the use of psychedelic drugs to someone who has never tried.

Now I realize I have ranted....

I was trying to get to the point that sexuality is a measure of power in some circles. It seems that sex is easily had via prostitutes/one night stands etc. Though I have indulged in this lifestyle without guilt or serious consequences, I do not recommend it.

Now something much rarer is love and acceptance. The only human who loved me was my long-gone grandmother. Most people try in vain to find this in relationships.... My parents had a bitter marriage. The virgins fear they are missing out on sex and closeness to another. My experience is the sex part is easy, the closeness part I might not have in this life.

There is an excellent G'N'R video where Axl Rose comes off a bus stop with a straw of hay in his mouth; presumably coming from a small town where he had no friends and his family misunderstood him. After a few years in the "jungle" he would've experienced things that people in his small town can only imagine. That has kind of been my path in life.