In yesterday's Salon, Since You Asked ran a good question from a young woman. Here are the highlights:
At what point do I need to break the news that I'm a virgin? I'm not planning on having sex anytime soon, but I really like kissing and touching....Good question, right? Also, it seems like she's already figured it out for herself, but this is where it gets interesting:
I don't want to lead men on, so I'm not sure what to do. Do I bluntly tell the man that I'm a virgin? If so, when? At what point do I give him the option of bailing? ...
When a guy buys me a drink, I want to just say, "Look, I don't blame you for trying, but I'll never sleep with you." I think sex is a healthy way to bond, have fun and so forth, but I'm waiting -- and while that is certainly my choice, what do I tell the guy?
There is also a slight complication -- I'm interested in power exchange. I like being dominated. Not in any serious or harmful way, but the idea of spanking turns me on, and I'd like to experiment with that. Do you see the predicament? I'm not a blushing virgin, but I am a virgin, and plan on staying that way for a while.My first thought is go girl. Here's a great outlet for whatever turns her on – without actually Doing It. As long as she has a trusted partner, of course. What do you think? Mr. Since You Asked's rather hysterical (read: overblown) response is here.
1 comment:
Hysterical and overblown? You are too kind to him. He spent a thousand words equating power exchange to rape, completely missing the opportunity to offer her real advice. Seems he was having a self-aggrandizing power exchange with himself.
Plain and simple answer: I don't see a predicament. She clearly knows what she wants and is solid on her boundaries. There are men she can trust to respect these boundaries and enjoy all the non-penetrative action.
Wonderfully, I'm discovering all the time, that there are people out there who will do PRETTY much whatever you are into. Huzzah!
My next search: Man willing to wear football helmet. Potential for sex, but probably mostly just chest bumping.
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