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I'm re-posting this very popular item to share this comment below and let everyone know that we are very interested in hearing from older virgins. There are a lot of you out there, and we'd love for you to share your stories,, either on the blog or in our upcoming film.
Please check out our First Person series and send us an email if you'd like to write one (it's cool if you want to be anonymous on the blog!) We're also looking for people to be in the documentary (and we have ideas on keeping you anonymous for that, too).
Thanks for supporting the blog with your ideas and comments!
"I was surfing the net and I found your 'The American Virgin' film website. I wanted to let you know that this subject is very personal to me because I am a 38-year-old virgin female (No lie). I know your film is meant for teenagers and people under 30 but keep in mind there are adult virgins over 30."
January 3, 2010
A shout-out to older virgins!
126 comments:
I'm under 30, but I think that it is kind of a weird thing to still be a virgin when you're in your mid 20's. I know women who have and are still virgins, but they have those strong religious ties. I don't really have those reasons anymore (I did when I was teen, and I signed this stupid card that said I would only kiss boys "Lightly" whatever that means. Oh, and sex was out of the question).
Since I've figured out that I'm bi, I would love to have sex with someone I actually like, no matter the gender.
But I'm still a virgin because I'm really shy, really scared, and I have a hard time getting close to people physically, not even on a sexual level. Also, I've always been focused on what I've been doing right now, not on relationships. (True story: Broke up with my first boyfriend because he'd rather snuggle than let me do homework.)
It's weird, but you get to the point to where you lie about sex for your friends or smile and nod at their stories, like you know where their coming from (no pun intended) when you have no idea what's its like. It's expected that you've had sex, and if you haven't, you must be really religious...or have vagina dentata.
I've gone on pretty long about this now, and I'm sure you've heard it before. I just thought I'd share. Can't wait for the movie.
I'm also a 38 year old virgin (male). The reasons why I am a virgin are complex. There is not just one reason but many reasons thats have combined over time. In some respects I am virgin by choice but in other respects its not by choice but I guess ultimately it is by choice. What I mean by that is that I have always wanted to have sex for the longest time (although not just with anyone). I have always thought about sex and having a relationship but for a good part of my adult life I have kept myself out of the market? Why? Well aside from the fact that I have always been shy I have had economic problems which I realize make me much more unmarketable when it comes to dating/relationship and so on (strike one). As a result of that I have been living with my parents for most of that time (strike two). I am sure those two combined makes me a loser in the eyes of many women. I am also an older virgin male which of course has a tremendous amount of stigma to it (strike three). Of course its not like I have a sign stapled to my forehead that says "I am a 38 year old virgin" but I am operating under the assumption that lack of dating/relationship/sexual experience will show itself out in time anyway. Of those the economic one is probably the biggest factor in explaining why I am still a virgin and have never had a girlfriend. I came close to having a girlfriend 10 years ago but I was unemployed and she was 7 years older than me. She was looking for a husband and suffice to say that basically she did not see me as husband material because of my economic situation but it was good experience because it made me realize that there are other things women really consider other than personality, physical attraction, etc.. Now at the same time I realize in order to make progress
in this area I have to meet people to increase my social network but I am also very reluctant to meet people. Why? because meeting people means they learn about me which in turn means they get to know these things about me that I rather hide from people(like my virginity, employment status and living with my parents) just to avoid the potential of people gossiping about me and my unique circumstances. So it an obvious catch-22.
Nor do I think I am the stereotypical virgin. I posted my pic on hotornot and got a 7.6 which is at least average. I am 5.11 and around 190-195 pounds and put much much effort in keeping myself in shape but nevertheless here I am a 38 year old virgin and I will be very very surprised if I every lose my virginity let alone marry or have a girlfriend even though I would like to get married or have a girlfriend. I really think I will die an unmarried virgin without ever having a girlfriend. I don't see my economic situation improving much if at all. If it does then maybe I will have a chance but even then I doubt it. This is something that I know many might find pathetic and/or something to mock or patronize but to me this is something that deeply saddens me to the point (at times) of great depression.
Thanks so much for your comment. We really appreciate it and would love to talk to you more about it. We can be reached at info@trixiefilms.com and look forward to hearing from you.
~ Trixie
We're going to have to make a slight change in comment formats, since if everyone is called 'anonymous' we won't know who is responding to what.
So you'll have to come up with a name to use just to keep the conversations straight.
Thanks!
I'm a 41 year-old virgin. I found this site looking while contemplating the fact that my 25 year-old Christian boyfriend doesn't share my values.
Yeah, yeah, I know everyone thinks I'm repressed by my religious leaders. People who aren't virgins just can't understand, so I keep the matter private.
The one thing people don't seem to talk about is the core of strength that comes with being chaste over the long haul--especially if you give yourself license to feel your sex drive rather than repress it.
I have no problem being who I am. I only wish there was more freedom to discuss the chaste lifestyle without weirding people out.
Hi Number8! Thanks so much for posting. I would love for you to write a post for our blog to discuss your lifestyle. It would be nice to hear from more older virgins on this blog, but very few people are willing to discuss it. If you're interested, email us at info@trixiefilms.com.
24/f and still a virgin and its not because I havent had my share of boyfriends or am ugly....I just don't see the need for sex
I'm a 38 yo male virgin. Awkwardness/shyness of my youth - so I have no one to blame but myself. That eventually lead to the lack of experience that brought me to where I am today.
I went to college, have a great job, run/hit the gym twice a week, volunteer, etc. But after decades without a date, nothing holds joy anymore. Ive given my last penny from my 'emotional bank account' long ago without making any deposits.
As I look back, the burden has grown to be too much. All my friends have families. They MUST talk about me... I'm too old to 'begin dating' - If I could think of a way to do myself in without my family knowing, I would do it tomorrow.
38 year old male virgin here. Don't want to be used and hurt so I'm waiting for the person with whom I click. Not waiting on marriage - just commitment that could lead to marriage. I am in no rush. Pride myself on being a virgin. I feel it makes us all special. Good for all of you who have decided to stick to your guns. - Jamaica
Howdy, I'm a 27 y/o straight female virgin. Started a blog all about it and have other female virgin bloggers linked to it. I would love to see your movie when it comes out. Thank you.
Hi there!! We'll definitely check out your blog!
28 year old male virgin. I see sex and relationships as destructive forces in my life and seem to lose more friends than gain them because of sex alone. I am happy to be single and alone and have no quarrels with remaining that way until I die. I've never been in a serious relationship so I have no idea what I'm missing and ignorance is bliss. At times I lie about my sex life not so much out of embarrassment but that most people I know lack the ability to understand where I'm coming from. Plus, they're not worth having something to gossip/laugh about. I think sex and being in love are the two most overrated factors ever. The only love that matters to me are the love I have for God and my family and that's all I need.
Hi from England. I am a fit, healthy male, world-travelled, 6ft 5ins tall, heterosexual, and I adore women, but I am still a virgin aged 51. Yep, you read it correctly. Also I am not a Born-Again Christian or anything like that.
I would not wish to put my e-mail on the site, but if you reply to this, I can send it to you if you wish to talk about this matter, as per your shout-out above.
Thank you and best wishes.
William.
My mother has a friend who lives in Brooklyn who alleges to be a 65 year old virgin. We find this very questionable since she use to roll with Jimmy Hendrix- does anyone else know of any other sextarians, no pun intended? Liz Eggers
Hello William and Liz
I'd love to hear more from both of you! You can contact us directly at info(at)trixiefilms(dot)com
Thanks!
Well I'm now a 39 year old virgin guy(was one of the 38 year old virgins above). You know what I find interesting? Well lets put it in context. There was a fairly new UCSF study on older virgins and I noticed one of the comments came from from one of the contributors here on this blog in which the contributor said essentially how older virgins are so ashamed of their lack of sexual status that have to hide this fact from everyone as much as possible which I think is a very fair observation. But then I was watching a documentary the other day about sexual addiction and the people in the documentary were very open about their sexual addiction. Then there is a new reality show called "Sex Rehab" were minor celebs are very open about their addiction. So is this because society now days is more tolerate and accepting of those with many sexual partners than none? If so what does that say about our society?
As for me I'm sure I will be a virgin when I turn 40 and the year after that and the year after and so on although my chances are wee bit better now that I got a job but its only part time. Still have to try and get a full-time job so I can move out of my parents place both of which will hinder my chances in the romance department.
Nice to hear from you again!
Interesting point about the openness around sex addiction. Have you found it's the same for men and women? Because the behavior of sex-addicted men mirrors some of the 'norms' propagated by popular culture (it hasn't been considered a 'problem' for men until recently)
However, women have long been labeled nymphomaniacs if they were very sexual, even if they had no addiction issues at all.
Ok I have to call out the dishonesty and vindicativeness of this last poster. Sorry but someone was says "I seriously believe you will die a virgin" along with the rest of the tone of the post certainly wouldn't "feel sorry" for this guy?. To list his exact name and where he resides in is very vindicative (BTW notice the contradiction? Two different cities for the comicbook store). That last post is usng this topic as means to attack a particular person and his family. How the moderators at this site let that post go through is beyond me.
WOW!! sounds like someone got dumped by a guy and now wants to get back at him big time. Suffice to say if you're an older virgin guy and you tell a woman(not that it neccessarily means that guy described in the post above was one) be prepared for something like this to possibly happen. Maybe its best never to tell a woman and to lie about it. Yep I think thats the lesson to be had for older virgin males here.
We have removed a previous post because it mentioned a specific person and was clearly meant to harm them. If the poster wishes to redo the comment without identifying details, we'll be happy to post it.
We love your comments, but please know that we will take down anything that is inappropriate.
Thanks for reading and participating in The American Virgin!
The post above was true. the comic book store is in one town. Podunk is not a name of a real town, it is meant to be sarcastic, like Nowhereville, Utah.
All the information is true. He told me himself that he had never even been touched by a woman. He did have serious sexual dysfunction issues. He did actually ejaculate from barely touching me and from one kiss. I was the first woman he had kissed. He also did have a very strange relationship with his sister, including camping trips and sharing a tent together while on these trips, and he also told of their trip to a nudist hot springs.
I also did read a study about late virgins not enjoying sex because the vagina is not as tight as their fist, and they have been pleasured so much by their hand that a vagina can't please them.
If you are a late virgin, your best bet is to go for a female who is also a late virgin so you can work out the sex details together.
This guy mentioned that I needed to "train" him. sorry but don't put this burden on the woman.
LOL!!!. Please cite this study about Virgins not enjoying sex because the vagina is not enough? Think about it? How would a study like that be conducted? How would they get a large enough sample size to test it? How would they test it exactly? How would they make the correlation between not enjoying sex and the vagina not being tight enough exactly? Do you see how ridulous this sounds? You must be trolling.
Beyond that its ignorance in the extreme to take one example(assuming its even true) and then extrapolate that to make a general conclusion about late virgins in general. What you're doing is the essense of sterotyping. In other words prejudice. But its pretty clear that you have animosity towards this guy and apparently his sister too and thats what is really fueling what seems to be a very bitter wierd vendetta against this guy. I mean seiously what kind of screwed up person would feel the need to post what you posted using his real name on a website like this along with rippping his sister? I say before casting stones on to someone else that you look inside yourself.
Oh about the suggesting of looking for another late virgin. Ok so how would that work exactly? To begin with the odds off a older male and older female virgin meeting are fairly remote. Furthermore both the woman and the man would have to be willing to volunteer that information beforehand. The point is that suggestion might be a good idea in theory but in practical terms the chances of that happening would be very remote. In others words it would be quite unrealistic to count on
OK I read about the study on a sex therapy website, on a section about late in life male virgins. A sex therapist I think would have a good understanding from working with virgins and trying to help these guys.
I don't see how it is unrealistic to go for an inexperienced woman. I mean...I think male virgins are overestimating their appeal to women if they think just any hot babe is going to want to go to bed with them. You're going to have to realize that you are out of a lot of womens' leagues and go for the overlooked, probably overweight, less attractive women who are inexperienced, also. Probably these are the women who are more in your league, realistically. No offense. But they are probably wonderful inside, many of them anyway, the ones who aren't too bitter.
i am a 39 year old virgin who can understand the embarassment. i was made fun off in work for being a virgin, which must have been second guessed as i never told anyone. i would like to lose it but would not know how as i never had sex ed in school.
Its unrealistic to some extent because of the mathematics involved. There simply are not very many older virgin males and older virgin females so the probability of the one older male virgin and one older female virgin meeting and then on top of that knowing about each others virginity is very remote. Second who said anything about whoever an older virgin loses their virginity to must be "hot babe"? The implication is that every non-virgin woman must be a hot babe. You also have a lot of preconceived sterotypes(bigotry) about male older virgins it seems. Try to become enlighten and less prejudice. Not every older male virgin fits into your preconceived box(they must be butt ugly and fat) you want to put them into.
To the 39 year old virgin. They guessed you were a virgin at work? Just what kind fo working environment do you work at? That sounds really bizzare.
I want make a point that Thirty8YearOldMVirgin touched upon and which was perfectly illustrated by this poster who ripped this supposed older virgin by mentioning his name and the city he lives in as well as ripping his sister. Whats the point? I think most older virgins(I think more so males) realize or at least should realize the risks of revealing their virginity to anyone. I mean look what happened here. This poster probably did a google search on "older virgins" with the intention of finding a website like this with the intent to rip this supposed older virgin. Now I think its safe to say this poster told countless people in person about this guy as contemptible and despicable as that is. Now this is the possible risk an older virgin will face if they tell anyone so why would an older virgin want to tell anyone about their virginity? Well I suppose one reason would be
that if sexual competence is dependent on sexual experience and an older virgin was getting romantically involved with someone to the point where sex might be initiated at some point soon then it might be wise to tell the other person about your virginity or else risk having the other person think you were bad at sex(if you were bad at sex) because of reasons not related to your lack of experience.
So its a catch 22. Reveal your virginity then risk being humiliated by some blabber mouth coming on a website like this to reveal that information and/or revealing it to other people in person. Don't reveal that information before having sex for the first time then risk being humiliated when blabber mouth reveals how bad you were at sex to others (if you were bad at sex) either in person or on a website like this one.
Now do you see how this contributes to the problem? Namely do you see how this would inhibit an older virgin from wanting to lose their virginity that has nothing to do with their physical looks or other factors bigots might have about why older virgins are still virgins? To the blabber mouth who made the contemptible and despicable decision to reveal that guys name to see this?
This explains why older virgins might not have a very large social network and if you don't have a very large social network then the chances of meeting someone are reduced.
One solution to avoid this problem might be to only reveal that you haven't had sex in a very long time should it get to a point where sex might be close at hand. That way blabber mouths can't foam at the mouth to others about your virginity while at the same time explain your sexual incompetence assuming you would be sexually incompetent.
Of course that would be a lie and I would rather not lie but maybe thats what you have to do. Maybe people are so untrustworthy and deep down so contemptible and despicable (like that blabber mouth on this website that trashed that guy along with his sister) that you essentially have no choice but to lie. It would be nice if you could just reveal that information to someone you had a romantic interest with without having to worry about them revealing that information.
You know I wonder how such a blabber mouth would feel if someone knew the # of sexual partners they had in their lifetimes and then revealed that information to people either in person or on a website like this one? Think they would mind? Of course they would but these same hypocrites I guess have no problem revealing equally personal information about an older person's virginity. Hypocrites.
did you see the 40-year Old Virgin? (I'm sure many older male virgins cringe at the mention of this movie.) Anyway the guy's coworkers figured it out through conversation with the guy. It's really not difficult to tell virgins or relatively inexperienced guys.
So you're something in real life on a movie? And tell me what kind of nosy questions and conversations these coworkers would have with such a guy? What kind of coworkers would be so nosy to ask such questions? I've never had any coworkers ask me any such questions.
Well, in The 40-Year Old Virgin (which was just on NBC), the guy just participated in a conversation with other guys and his lack of knowing what a woman's breast felt like gave it away that he was indeed a virgin.
LOL!!. So still basing reality on a movie. In reality you're going to tell us that on the job (like in an office) they are going to be asking someone what a breast felt like? I've never come even close to be asking any of those questions on the job let alone in any situation.
Society basing reality on movies. Sad
Guys will be guys, on the job or not. There are married men boinking their female coworkers on a daily basis, there is talk going on in the office.
In the movie, it is a group of guys who work at a Best Buy hanging in the breakroom, some are talking about recent dates, the 40 year old virgin lets it slip by trying to fake he knows what a woman's breast feels like. I wouldn't exactly call Best Buy a professional environement? Totally plausible.
Guys will be guys? HMMMMM. I take it you are a guy so you would know? Married boinking their coworkers on a daily basis? I get it. You base reality on what you see on TV and the movied right? As a guy I've never been asked any of those questions. Not even close. Its absurd to base reality on a movie. I'm now convinced you're a troll.
One time I made the dreaded mistake of telling a female coworker I was a virgin(How that came up in conversation? long story but we were becoming close) and next thing I know many in the company knew about it and then the next thing I know I was the brunt of many jokes. It got so bad that I decided to quit my job. So the bottom line is don't trust anyone with this information.
I am a female but lots of men have no trouble sharing their conquests/dates at work. Not saying I'm impressed. doesn't happen at my workplace (school) but I've heard guys talk, that's for sure. In the movie 40 Year Old Virgin, Steve Carrell tries to be "one of the guys" and participates in the conversation, but it backfires and he actually reveals his virginity.
Well OK. You're a female but you say "boys will be boys" and you haven't heard at your workplace(school) either. Yes you've heard guys talk but not at work. Now you say Steve Carrel tries to be "one of the guys" but what you don't understand (because once again I suspect you're basing reality on a movie) is that an older virgin would be very wary of doing ANYTHING that might reveal this secret. Wary to the point of not wanting to be in any any social situations being afraid that it might expose him. So what I am saying is that scene in that movie you talk about is unrealistic. Please basing reality on some stupid movie like is just asinine . The bottom line is you don't get that kind of talk at work especially this day and age with lawsuits and so on. I mean come on how could you not know this?
Also let me just add that kind of "boys will be boys talk" you describe (to the extent it happen in the first place) gets less and less common the older,more professional and the more fixed the workplace is(mixed in terms of gender). So ya you're more prone to hear that talk at a construction site but you think you're going to hear that at say a research center or doctor's office?
Wow, the movie The 40-Year Old Virgin really brings you on the defense, doesn't it? lol
The irony is that that response of yours is far more defensive than anything I've said. It also seems obvious that you know I am right or else instead of responding the way you did you would refute my points with specific points of your own but you didn't which is very telling. Seriously its just pretty stupid to base reality on some stupid movie like that.
I've worked many different jobs.
Usually it is the lower class, lower paid jobs where there is much talk of sexual bravado. Many guys talk about Friday from 5pm to early Monday morning being one long porn movie.
The guys who don't participate in the bravado are looked upon as unmanly,gay or inexperienced.
Being tight lipped will get you this reputation. This is a form of sexual harassment many men must endure that really isn't talked about in society. Most men endure this at some point. ie, even if they lose their virginity at 18, they will hear boasting in the locker room at 16 and feel either left out or try to make something up to fit in.
Even bragging about blowing money at a strip bar would be seen as more manly to those guys. (To me going to a strip bar is unmanly because a man is giving his power and money over to a woman to tease him.)
Most of this bragging is about status and power. It's kind of like someone driving an SUV to "prove" they have value. You can see in many of the posts of older male virgins the cruelty they have been subjected to....
There is inequity and power play between the haves/ have nots.
I remember other males boasting about sex. My feelings were very different. Even though I love sex there were/are many awkward moments, you'll never hear a guy bragging about the difficulty about getting a condom on, awkwardness about different positions, trouble getting in there/sliding out in the throes of passion, coming too soon etc...
I realized also after being in a few fist fights, this is also something talked about with much bravado. Strangely enough the greatest fear I ever felt in a fight was not being hit. The scariest part was one time, while winning a fight, I was strangling the guy I was fighting. His face started to turn color. I did not know what to do. Should I let him go, is he going to pass out? This was when I was still in school. I never got in trouble over this fight, people gave me more space. This isn't something my neglectful father could've explained to me. Perhaps my bullying older cousin would've given me a pat on the back. I didn't feel like the alpha male but I had competently defended myself.
Now onto a different topic-masculinty.
Ironically, I didn't feel more masculine/powerful after losing my virginity.
First time was akward, I was happy to have it over with, like finishing finals at school. I did not have any male friends to discuss the experience with. Obviously I did not discuss with my family. Did not have any contact with the girl afterwards.
Felt that skydiving was more of a step towards manhood and realized that I had done something most men and woman will never try. This is somewhat elitist, I also somehow feel more "experienced" when discussing the use of psychadelic drugs to someone who has never tried.
Now I realize I have ranted....
I was trying to get to the point that sexuality is a measure of power in some circles.
It seems that sex is easily had via prostitutes/one night stands etc. Though I have indulged in this lifestyle without guilt or serious consequences, I do not recommend it.
Now something much rarer is love and acceptance. The only human who loved me was my long gone grandmother. Most people try in vain to find this in relationships.... My parents had a bitter marriage. The virgins fear they are missing out on sex and closeness to another. My experience is the sex part is easy, the closeness part I might not have in this life.
Thanks for allowing me to share my secret self here.
Hi SWAB - Thanks for sharing your story with The American Virgin. I'd like to use it in a post so more people can read about your experiences.
Hello Trixie,
Go for it--as long as I don't have to reveal my real name.
This much more I would like to add.
There is an excellent G'N'R video where Axl Rose comes off a bus stop with a straw of hay in his mouth; presumably coming from a small town where he had no friends and his family misunderstood him. After a few years in the "jungle" he would've experienced things that people in his small town can only imagine. That has kind of been my path in life.
Best,
Stoner w/a Boner
Cool. A slightly shorter version is now at bit.ly/87yIrL
You'll stay totally anonymous, but would you mind shooting me an email at info@trixiefilms.com?
I'm a 25 year old virgin and while that isn't as old as some posters on this site it still carries a stigma. Most people my age have had numerous sexual relationships and started at around 15 or 16. I had one relationship like seven years ago that included some under the shirt action, and making out, but I never went further than that with the guy. I have had some weird non-date dates and crushes but nothing more since then. I keep my sexual/romantic inexperience secret because I just can't handle the jokes or weird looks that someone may give me. I have some hesitancy about sex because of the pain, and this has a lot to do with a medical examination I had from the time of 2-13 years age in which a tube was placed in my uretha to determine if my kidneys were emptying out completely. I had kidney reflux problems, and this very painful and humiliating procedure has made me had issues with any vaginal pain. I can barely go to a gynecologist without immense fear. I would like to trust a guy enough to let him know my fears, insecurities, and emotional trauma associated with vaginal pain, but I just think most wouldn't be understanding enough to be patient with me. The longer I wait the harder it all will be, and sometimes I wish I had been more reckless in my last relationship just to get it over with already.
well in a little over 2 months I will be officially a 40 year old virgin. yayayayayayay!!! I did it!!!!!
I am 42, pretty, very outgoing, and have lots of friends and social activities. I am waiting until marriage to have sex. For many reasons - my emotional health, spiritual reasons, to make a special bond with my future husband, etc. Sex creates a close connection with someone, its not a sport. Yes, it should be fun and playful, exciting, crazy, slow, tender - but with the person you are bonded to for life. (my opinion).
I've had boyfriends, in fact several for 2 yrs+ and we had great chemistry, and a lot of fun being creative in bed - just not sex. Those guys were ok with my choice, one was a 30 yr. old virgin so it was never an issue. (my experiences).
Nice to know there are also some men out there waiting for the special girl. Hope we all find the people who appreciate our choices.
Lost my virginity at around 45-years old after having a sex-change operation.
As a male I remained a virgin because i didn't feel right about it. My body was willing but my spirit & mind said, "no." There wasn't any love or passion there, only my body telling me to do it. Fortunately, the women/girls I almost lost it to didn't really want me to do it either.
When I was in high-school one of my sexually active friends said, "the more U have it, the more U want it." I decided I didn't need another addiction.
I am a 19 year old virgin.
I know that's not considered "Old" but in my generation it certainly is. I'm pretty sure my own mother doesn't believe I am a virgin-but nonetheless I am.
Although I try to conceal that fact about myself the topic of sex is always intriguing and popping up in conversation. A lot of questions arise as to why I am in fact a teenage virgin. I don't think it should matter in any judgement or characteristic trait. There is also the never ending "virgin-complex". I hate it. It is the excuse to put down, insult, deny intelligence and depreciate someone by their sex lives. Often people will not want to share certain thoughts of experience with me because I'm "young, naive and innocent". It's stupid and insulting. I would like everyone to stop thinking my sex life is the ultimate determining factor in my personality and life experience.
42 year old anon woman said
"Nice to know there are also some men out there waiting for the special girl. Hope we all find the people who appreciate our choices."
If you're referring to the reply to the almost 40 year who said "well in a little over 2 months I will be officially a 40 year old virgin. yayayayayayay!!! I did it!!!!!" I was making lite of my situation when in reality you have no idea how depressed I am. In reality I'm not waiting. I would think the vast majority of males virgins my age aren't waiting for marriage but because of various multiple circumstances(its almost never just one thing alone but multiple that combine over time) that either would be seen as deal breakers to the vast vast majority of women(like being a virgin) or understand the risks of letting people get to know you knowing that the more someone knows you the more they might suspect you're one of those older virgins. The bottom line is unemployment, underemployment, living with your parents and/or being an older virgin are all seen as unattractive qualities among the vast vast majority of women. Men who fit into those categories understand the situation they are in.
As an older Virgin who will be 40 in a few months I have fallen in love before and recently have been thinking about a girl in high school that I had a huge crush who I last saw almost 21 years ago. She is married now with 1 or 2 children and a doctor. She has her own webpage for the company she works for an looks the same way I remember her(like she hasn't aged at all except she seems to have different color hair. More blond). Apparently she volunteered at homeless shelters which would be totally consistent with kind of person I remember her as. I remember her as this very cute, sweet, adorable and wholesome person. I wanted to ask her out but I didn't either because I was too shy or because I didn't get to know her until the very end of the last year in high school(she was one grade below me). Some people used to make comments along the lines of how naive she was I guess because how friendly, open and uncynical her personality was. Well 20 plus years later I'm the one that still the virgin not her. Who would have known. Oh well she was too good for me and deserved someone better than myself.
Actually that wasn't the one who I fell in love with. That one in retrospect turned out to be quite dishonest in many ways. Google her name and you she comes up in these running competitions(12k, 50K, ...) and the age listed for her is 10 or 11 years younger than she actually is. At the time I fell for her I was 28 and unemployed and so that created a problem especially given that she was 35 at the time(her real age). Never transitioned into a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.
To the commenter who was 'celebrating' turning 40 and being a a virgin, I'm so sorry if our brithday greeting was in any way hurtful to you! Having heard from so many older virgins, I'm totally aware of how depressing and isolating it can be and I didn't mean to make light of it at all.
I guess the shout-out was meant in the same tongue-in-cheek spirit that your post seemed to convey. I mean, if we can't laugh we cry, right? And we're all here definitely laughing with you and not at you.
So we really appreciate your comments, and everyone else's, because there's nothing like community to make you feel less like you're all on your own.
Hi. I just ran up on your blog. It's very interesing. Just reading some of the comments... I am a 23 year old virgin, and I plan on staying a virgin until I am married. I would just rather share myself with someone who I hopefully will spend the rest of my life with. I use to want to have lost my virginity by 18. I wanted to follow the crowd. It wasn't easy being a virgin when people around you talked about their sex lives, etc...
then it got to a point where I became afraid.
I decided to put it all behind me, and I started not to care what others thought. I started to get to know myself, and what I really wanted in life.
And I decided that I wanted to stay a virgin until I was married. I wanted to give the man that I hopefully would spend the rest of my life with something special.
I believe that sex is a very powerful thing. People today seem to just use it carelessly. Not only is sex physical, but emotional, and its a tool used to bring life into the world. But for some people, it could he a horrible thing (i.e. rape, etc...)
Great blog! And for all of my fellow virgins out there, no matter how old you are, you are in control, and it's your choice, and there is nothing wrong with that choice. We are very unique people in a very sexualized world. Stay strong!
Hi. I just ran up on your blog. It's very interesing. Just reading some of the comments... I am a 23 year old virgin, and I plan on staying a virgin until I am married. I would just rather share myself with someone who I hopefully will spend the rest of my life with. I use to want to have lost my virginity by 18. I wanted to follow the crowd. It wasn't easy being a virgin when people around you talked about their sex lives, etc...
then it got to a point where I became afraid.
I decided to put it all behind me, and I started not to care what others thought. I started to get to know myself, and what I really wanted in life.
And I decided that I wanted to stay a virgin until I was married. I wanted to give the man that I hopefully would spend the rest of my life with something special.
I believe that sex is a very powerful thing. People today seem to just use it carelessly. Not only is sex physical, but emotional, and its a tool used to bring life into the world. But for some people, it could he a horrible thing (i.e. rape, etc...)
Great blog! And for all of my fellow virgins out there, no matter how old you are, you are in control, and it's your choice, and there is nothing wrong with that choice. We are very unique people in a very sexualized world. Stay strong!
Trixie.
No that comment above on my up coming 40th birthday(still not 40 yet) I didn't find offensive at all. I was talking about that at all. More on this later. I have to go
OK, I don't tell many people but I'm a 38 year old virgin Male. Ever since I can remember I always wanted a wife and children. I'm a catholic and was brought up to believe that you only have sex if you are committed to each other. I realize this situation is my own fault but I HATE it. I see my friends and siblings get married and have children and I envy them so much. I had a good friend that was girl in my early 20's. I loved her but she only saw me as a friend. I was too hung up on her to end the friendship and try to find a real relationship. It turned out to be a colossal waste of time.
I have always been a very shy person. My story is similar to one of the other 38 year olds post. I was always self conscious with low self esteem. I don't know if it's because a gang of kids used to chase and beat me up everyday as a child because they thought my family was rich (in actuality they only thought that because we weren't on welfare). Maybe I was just born self conscious. Because of the beatings I never went outside as a child. I became a major introvert. I had few friends but I could never play in front of my house because of the gang of kids. My family finally moved when I was 12. It was a breathe of fresh air but I still felt uneasy around people.
I never had a girlfriend. I always tried to be the "nice guy". I would bend over backwards to help people. I thought that if I showed women that I wasn't like all the other "jerks" then they would see how special I am. I was only kidding myself. I would put women on pedastals and be too shy to approach them.
The extent of my sexual experiences are that I bought 2 blow jobs from hookers. I made out with a girl for the first time when I was 34 (I loved it). In total I have made out with 3 women.
The reason I'm still a virgin at 38...
1. Too shy (started taking medication for it)
2. Lived with parents most of my life. (Major red flag. Moving out next month)
3. I cannot sleep with anyone that I don't feel an attraction to. (Maybe I'm too picky).
4. I'm not assertive.
I have told several people that I'm a virgin. I lost a friend over it because he lost respect for me. The other 2 are still my friends thank God.
Another guy sniffed out that I was a virgin. I would never join in when they were talking about their conquests and this one big asshole started getting in my face. He instinctively knew I was giving off the virgin vibe. Needless to say he got in my face everytime I saw him.
I've been to therapists but they pretty much just tell me to get out more. I can't take it much longer. I can't die a virgin. It's one of my greatest fears.
I apologize for the erratic post. This website opened some old wounds that I thought I had buried. I guess they weren't buried deep enough.
Anonymous 1/14/10 9:25PM,
Thanks for sharing.
You are welcome. I'm glad to see that I'm not alone. Being starved for intimacy has been difficult. A hug and a kiss can go a long way to healing you mentally.
To the 38 year old virgin. I don't tell people I'm a virgin because of the backlash it would most likely result in. Like its been pointed out you need a network of friends to meet people if you want to eventually get a girlfriend (or it helps) but once you tell someone in that network you're a virgin at your age it probably will create a ripple effect which not only could make you lose your so called friends but because of the way people gossip about such things you may lose potential of exanping your network once people know about your virginity. You know I have thought about this before and maybe one way around it is that you have two different geographical zones. Zone one is the area where you come accross the same people day in and day out. In that zone don't take any chances which means don't tell anyone about any of this. Then there is another geographical zone where you can experiment more and take chances. Make this one farther away from where you work and live so if there is a backlash as result of you telling your network in this zone about your virginity you can simply cut the network and zone completly off. Then that means you will have to find another new geographical zone to build your new network but since its farther from where you work and live the damage will be minimial. Of course in this day and age of the internet and people posting smack about people this this is not foolproof(see above for an example of a person who did exactly that to an apparent older virgin in Oregon).
Or you can decided not to tell anyone or even lie about it if someone asks.
Turning 30 in a couple of weeks...on valentine's day of all days. Still rolling like mario van peebles...solo. (See imdb.com to get that last joke). I guess I don't have as many self esteem issuess as some of the other posters, but I still feel like a failure for being a virgin and never being in a relationship. I was raised in a rigidly strict household (south asian) so I didn't really have a social life per say till college. And I was so far behind/unsure of myself by that point that college came and went with no ladies. Plus at the time I was "looking for true love"...a notion that can be quite damaging to ones prospects in today's society. I was also busy with school (technical major and went to grad school to boot). Was 23 when I finished school and started work immediately. By this time I felt so far behind everyone else I just couldn't get myself to be succesful. I mean once I started trying I manged to kiss a few girls and "hooked up" once or twice after getting drunk, but still no sex. Plus I had this feeling that I needed to be on even footing if I were to be in a relationship with someone...which at this point is impossible. I think I have managed to get over that, but I am still so far behind that the task seems daunting.
I have been told I am good looking (I'm about 6'1 160 and play tennis and bball pretty regularly, been playing sports my entire life so I am pretty fit) and have a large social circle, all of whom think I am quite funny and witty. I used to get phone numbers from girls regularly, but then either wouldn't call or would go on one or two dates before my insecurities ruined everything. Regardless of what people say, I still feel like eventually girls will find out and look down on me.
I want to get married and do everything that normal people do, but I don't want any potential partner to judge me for my lack of sucess.
(As a male I feel like we are expected to try and boink everything in sight whereas being a female virgin is slightly more acceptable) Was attempting to date some chick once, she asked how many relationships I was in, I was stupidly honest and admitted I had not beein in a relationship, she found it weird and did not want to have anything to do with me. (Note: I did not mention I was a virgin...but she probably put two and two together). I don't go out of my way to brag about my conquests or fake being a player to get acceptance...so people sometimes pick up on this and infer things. (I found out friends in grad school would ask if I was a virgin behind my back because I didn't talk about girls). Needless ot say, it was all kind of annoying.
I am actually quite successfull professionally, which I am very grateful for but at the same time people expect me to have had several relationships as a result. A female friend that I confided in during a weak moment expressed shock at my virginity...which is good I guess but at the same time it puts that much more pressure on me to "perform/take the lead" when I have had zero experience doing that. I am not as depressed about this as I was in my mid 20's (I mean I figure you can only make yourself miserable so much...plus I recognize that I have had the good fortune to be able to live in a great country with lots of friends and all my basic needs are met, and I recognize that I am more fortunate than so many in this world as a result, but still people talk about sex CONSTANTLY it is kinda hard not to think about being a virgin when all you hear about is sex. I am making more of an effort to get over this and move on with my life. And it is somewhat reassuring to hear about others like me...as selfish as that sounds. Best of luck to everybody I guess.
I'm a 32 year old virgin, and it is no big deal for me. I made a committment to God about twelve years ago, and for the most part, give or take a few adventures in oral sex, I kept it. I'm completely abstinante right now.
I think in my early twenties, hormones still raging, it bothered me more. There was a time I didn't plan to wait. And then I realized how overatted sex is, and so now it really isn't a big thing. I think I'm pretty sexy. Still, I've been told that men can "tell." Of they can, so what?
If I meet the right person, and I get married, then I am sure I'll have a great sex life. If I don't there is fantasy. I just really don't understand what the big deal is.
"then I realize how overrated sex is"
as someone who is still a virgin I hope I never have this attitude. If an when I do have sex I hope its what I believe it is to be which is the most beautiful thing in the world. Making love to a woman has to be the greatest thing in the world. I don't know. Maybe I'm just naive.
i have found out that i am the worlds oldist male virgin i have done 6 TV shows the first on trisha on the 12 dec 1999 and the last in 28nov 2008 on trisha i want to do a live lie detector test to prove what i claim to be so the second oldist is 51 i was due to do a blind date on trisha but she was to be taken off the air,i am very confident nor shy ,and i do this for me i wanted to wait for marriage but it was not to be what a fool i have been for doing this you can wait too long then it can go from fear to terror of sex as you go past 25 this is what will happen to you i found this out at 43 while on holiday is spain when a german woman said to me ater talking with her in a german bar she said i would like to sleep with me whay i felt was terror not fear to cover this i change the subject i woould like to go out on a blind date but no sex or kissing a lot of talking i was due to do this back in dec 2008 with trisha but it was not to be and no she does not need to be a virgin danielm85948@googlemail.com
worst day in the world for an older virgin. Oh well least we can imagine what it would be like to have a SO. Without imagination we would go insane I believe.
I hear you, but I think it can be a hard day for anyone without an SO. Or someone with a SO who's in a bad relationship.
I used to have a party on Valentine's Day for all my single friends and acquaintences so we'd all have something to do. It was always fun & nice to feel in the same boat.
Fascinating blog. Well, I am an older (female) virgin. I find it to be terribly embarrassing and I cringe at the idea of anyone knowing. I've educated myself about sex (the best I can without actually having sex) so I don't look like an ass when my friends are having conversatoins about their latest conquests. I'm pretty sure they all know though, but so far they've been kind enough not to bring it up.
I'm not shy. I get compliments on my looks and I get approached by men. I would like to have sex. Now, yesterday. In order for that to happen though, I'd have to tell someone my status and risk rejection or, even worse, humiliation. Unfortunately, it's difficult to know how to proceed when a man approaches you if you've had no experience with relationships. It's worsened when we live in a age where virginity is equivalent to leprosy. I realise that's an extreme statement, but take a poll of people who've told friends they're virgins and see if you see similarities in the responses.
I met a guy about two years ago who I really liked and I felt the attraction was mutual. Then, during one conversation he made fun of a woman he knew who was very interested in him. He thought she was weird for being in the V-Club. She was a great deal younger than I was at the time. I figured if he thought she was strange, there was no way I was saying anything.
I've made some peace with things as they are. I feel like I have no other choice.
Well I officially became a 40 year virgin this week. Not giving the specific date (don't want to give any clues just in case anyone stumble upon this site that knows me). I don't know what to say. When I was in my early 30's I thought if was 35 and still virgin I would then kill myself. Well I didn't and didn't when I turned 40 although I did think about it. Well so I suppose when I turn 50(assuming I reach that age) I will still be a virgin. Well here I am still. Need to first somehow find some consistent employment if thats possible in this economy and with my big resume gaps. Then if I can do that have to find some woman that will not hold my employment problems and virginity at my late age against me. Good luck with that.
Always dreamed about at least having a girlfriend. Guess thats not going to probably happen. Damn how I wish time machines existed. If there was one I could go back in time and just start over.
Anonymous 3/13/10:
What would you have done differently?
good question. Well first of all there isn't just one reason that can explain my situation but having said that I think one big one is my employment situation. I made a decision a long time ago to go into computer science(I have a degree in that). It turned out to be a bad field for me for many different reasons so in retrospect I would at least either go into a different field or combine it with something else. I don't if that would make a difference but thats at least one concrete thing I would do differently
Oh and let me just add that I realize the response could be "well whats stopping for going to a hooker. That wouldn't explain not going to a hooker". My idea of having sex wouldn't going to a hooker. Also for me I would at least want to get to know the woman I was having sex with on some level so that would rule out one night stands from say picking a woman up at a bar (and the whole bar thing probably wouldn't be my thing any way as if I would have a clue about picking a woman up at a bar in the first place. ya right)
Thanks for responding. I know this is hard.
Hello wonderful commenters. We're so glad this particular post has become a place where people can share stories and get support.
So, moving forward, we have two questions:
1. Would you be interested in getting some kind of a discussion board up and running on the topic of older virginity (and does anyone know how to build one?)
2. Does anyone want to contribute their stories to First Person? We occasionally run some of the comments as First Person posts, but it's nicer when we do a fuller interview (anonymously). You can see the whole collection here: http://bit.ly/1YnZ6W
Here's a useful link:
http://www.newscientist.com/blogs/shortsharpscience/2009/06/who-is-the-40-year-old-virgin.html#comment-2255849
Well I’m also a virgin and I’m 38, and cant think of how or why I still am, I suppose its cause I’m really shy, in the beginning It was religious reasoning, now not so, just shy, its difficult to discuss because of prejudice and the usual idiots going about, Im a Male btw, live in the UK.
I suppose its more difficult now as the people you often meet who you could have a relationship have likely been around a bit, I imagine, so would feel strange not having the experience, get the feeling women would expect you to be some sort of expert at this age.
Well good luck to all the others out there who have the immense and incredible willpower to overcome for so long one of natures most powerful and primitive drives, I wish you well, one and all.
I have concluded now that I would rather die a virgin than simply throw it away frivolously for the sake of it after all these years.
Well I’m also a virgin and I’m 38, and cant think of how or why I still am, I suppose its cause I’m really shy, in the beginning It was religious reasoning, now not so, just shy, its difficult to discuss because of prejudice and the usual idiots going about, Im a Male btw.
I suppose its more difficult now as the people you often meet who you could have a relationship have likely been around a bit, I imagine, so would feel strange not having the experience, get the feeling women would expect you to be some sort of expert at this age.
Well good luck to all the others out there who have the immense and incredible willpower to overcome for so long one of natures most powerful and primitive drives, I wish you well, one and all.
I have concluded now that I would rather die a virgin than simply throw it away frivolously for the sake of it after all these years.
Interesting blog. I'm a 41 year old male virgin. People tend to want to categorize others into a nice neat and easy to deal with stereotype. It's obvious that nobody can be categorized me when it comes to virginity. LOL.
When the subject comes up I just lie about it... its easier that way. Besides it's nobody's business anyway and I tell them so. I'm not that shy, decent looking, not gay, very well educated... yada, yada, yada... people just can't figure me out.
I live in a very rural area, grew up in a rural area so I'm use to it... but there just aren't any smart, interesting single women in rural areas... most of them move out as soon as they can. That just leaves the women who are dependent... which I find annoying to have to deal with. As far as I'm concerned it could be the vacuum of space regarding women & dating... etc. where I live. Had I know this when I moved here for my job, I may have done things differently, but either way it is what it is... I'm not about to give up everything I've accomplished and a good job to move to an area where there are more people, more stress... etc. I work from my home and cover a territory, so it tends to be very busy at times.
Categorizing virgins into a stereotype seems silly to me... a lot of people seem to be doing this here.
Well I'm a technical virgin. over 30 and female. I've done sexual stuff but never committed myself to intercourse. I was waiting to get married. Come from strict religious background. I was even engaged at one point, but it didn't work out. So here I am over 30 and still a virgin. Maybe I'm just too picky, but I think I deserve a guy I like and feel really comfortable with.
I'm a 23 year old female, still a virgin, and about to give it up to a guy I just met.
Although I have had a couple of opportunities to lose my virginity, I used to think sex was a powerful, mystical act and was afraid due to religions reasons, lack of experience, maybe being too picky, and a low self-esteem. Now after a few years of always being too busy for relationships, I've kind of gotten over looking for Mr. Right. Sex isn't the problem anymore. It's getting over all my emotional hurdles stemming from insecurity and fear.
Although I know sleeping with a guy right away is not going to get me a relationship, I'm okay with that. I just know the longer I wait, the more I will be afraid of it. I don't believe anymore that the first act of sex is a life-altering, turning point of some sort. It's just another step in exploring my sexuality. I could be wrong, but I also don't want to look back years later regretting I couldn't gather the courage to just have sex.
Any advice?
38(M) and a virgin.
Reasons?
1. Well I know I'm very shy around girls.
2. I don't have a job and have never really had one because I never really needed one.
3. Live with Mom.
4. Made no effort.
Add them up and you see the "problem".
About 10 years ago I was getting antsy to just go wherever but then my father died and mom needed someone to help her with daily life. Most of the stress etc of that is over but it took about 7-10 years of my life. *poof*
I found myself recently checking dating sites and such but I'm going to have to build up the confidence to go beyond merely looking.
I think overall its not a choice most of us simply floated through period of life and woke up one day at 38 or whatever.
Mr. Brightside,
I found your article so helpful, that I have to comment on it - Thank you. I find my case to be extreamly similar to yours. I am also raised in a South Asian family and had no girls in school. I studied intense mechanical engineering which kept me busy thorought my college life.
Now I am professionally successful, earn decent amount of money and have a good job. But somehow I have not achieved any success with getting laid. I am healthy and atheletic, 27, and play squash in local circuit. As part of my job, I get to meet a lot of women - I work in sales and business development - but still no success. but still, I think I miss something that makes one understand the women. The reason I feel is in my upbringing.
My parents never stayed together, and my dad passed away when i was very young. I grew up with my mom & maternal uncle who again never married and was a virgin his whole life. Somehow, i never saw an interaction between a man and woman. Even though I am not shy, this lack of understanding makes me immature in these cases.
I am now in mid 20's and my sexual desires are on their top. I am getting deeply frustrated and depressed - in fact now I am at work and still thinking about the same issue. I don't when it is going to end. I feel as if I have lost myself as well. It was a kind of support that there are others like me as well, although it is not going to solve my problem.
But anyhow, Thank you for posting your cases too.
God bless,
NECKHILL REDBILLY,
Nice website, very interesting!! Anyway I'm a 29 yr old virgin. I have only made out with 5 girls and none of them more than once!! And by "makeout " i mean strictly kiss the girls, I didn't get or perform mutual masterbation or do anything orally. This frusttrates me!!
I am waiting for the right girl, but how many are left that are at my level??? I take pride in being a virgin, but my pride is waining in the area of stimulation without sexual intercourse or orally!!
Maybe my pride will get in the way of ever finding a girl?? i certanintly hope not!! But it will turn me off of a girl if I know she performs orally or gives our regular "handies" without care!! So I'm debating on whether I should seek out everyhting except intercourse just so i can have a an even playing field??
My friends say I've done everything right and i should wait for sex, but then they say "i don't know why you haven't at least had a hand-job???You are almost 30!!!!" It's not very uplifting.
I could go on for hours, but i'll quit for now.
p.s. at least I ain't alone, but my lack of touching may indeed be very rare
I was a virgin till the old age of 17.....lol
Any thoughts on the following? (from a former 26 year old virgin)
http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/cszn6/i_am_30_years_old_sex_tourist_who_never_had_sex/"
This guy had/has some of the usual problems: fear of rejection, need to be in control, etc. Seems like he took a different route...
31 year-old female virgin here. Was feeling like the last one alive until I found this blog - LOL! All my friends my age or older are married and I feel so alone sometimes. Does anyone know of a support group for virgins? The church does not address your needs as an unmarried single and I am tired of getting lumped in with the high school and college kids. :-(
@ Anonymous 12:44:
I don't know of any off-hand, but a doctor or therapist might have more information. The Google doesn't seem to be much help, either.
Is therapy an option? Even just talking out your feelings with someone is a good place to start.
@Harold -
This sentence kind of stopped me in my tracks:
"I really don't like much North American women both for the general appearance and entitled, "empowered" attitude."
There's more going on here than just some awkwardness with women.
I noticed that as well. It's interesting that he mentions it since he claims he's not even interested in non-sexual interactions with them outside of work. If that's the case, why would it matter? And besides, there are plenty of "empowered" (whatever that means) women who participate in sex work too... I mean I can understand if he likes a particular look, but you're right it's probably more than that.
I've heard that kind of sentence before -- multiple times, in fact. It usually pops up in the middle of a screed by some manly Internet man who feels oppressed by society, feminism, political correctness, etc. (read: tiny penis) who rails against "Western women" and all the power and privilege he thinks they think they have. He blames these women -- likely using language I will not dignify by repeating -- for his loneliness (forced, he might say), complaining that all women want is to find a sugar daddy and bleed him dry (or some such nonsense) and that they would never give the time of day to a hard-working, regular guy like him.
Invariably there will be talk of this poor, put-upon fellow looking to South America, Asia or Eastern Europe to find himself a "proper wife" who respects "family values" and knows how to be a "real woman." Having found himself a meek, domesticated woman who knows her place (in the home, no doubt), our hero returns home with his quarry in tow, ready to enjoy all the sex, companionship and home-cooked meals those nasty "Western women" have denied him all this time.
The woman (Yahweh help her) is a means to an end, of course -- cook, clean, put out, have kids, raise the kids and make sure not to bother the Man of the House when the game is on. Such a lovely couple, the neighbors say, but why does she always flinch so much when they're together?
carmi v. -Ohio
I am a 30 year old virgin and I feel sexy and pride of myself to hold on to some thing so special. I had lots of chances to have sex with guys and ho around but that was just not me. I just have not found the right guy or the guy has not found me, to built a relationship with. Im not gay, not religious or been sexual abused, im in college, have friends, I live on my own, work, have a car, and if i do say so myself I am 5'6''medium built thick black woman that loves to cook, so for any man or woman out there who feels they are alone or ashamed, don't be, you are always special and never forget that.
Hi y'all,
I too am a older (slightly - 26 year old) virgin and I really just wanted to say a big THANK YOU to everyone who has taken the time to post on this blog.
All of my close friends (and my older siblings) are very frank about their sexual activities and it's always been a source of confusion between us about why I am still a virgin.
Although it's not for me. I have to sympathise with quite a few of the posters here, that I'm very shy in meeting new people, and I tend to "deer in headlights" when it's brought to my attention that a man (i'm straight) is interested in me. I didn't really have a chance to tryout romantic relationships before university due to self-confidence issues and now, well I just haven't met anyone who interests me enough I guess.
When I was younger I toyed with the idea of just letting myself get picked up by someone, but to me, I'm a bit puritian about how sex and love should go hand in hand, I just can't see the point if there isn't any interest in pursuing a relationship.
I'm pretty confident that eventually I'll find someone who interests me enough, but really thank you! 'Cause I'm sure that for all of us it's seemed like we're the "0" bunny from that "everyone else has had more sex than me" bunny video... And when all your friends are laughing, well it kinda sucks, eh?
I wonder how this very bad recession has made
it more difficult for older virgins to loose
their virginity or just form relationships
period regardless if you're a virgin or not.
I did hear something like 2009 had the lowest
rate(as a % of the population) of marriages since
either the depression or since those kind of
stats have been in existence.
I haven't seen this film, nor do I plan to.
About the only thing that reading this site and these posts have done is make me insanely grateful at only being 26. I have failed at everything teenage and childish so now that ladies have been pounded like nails I might be able to get a good teacher! FUCK waiting till marriage, but waiting just for someone "right" seems to be bullshit too..
I am not religious and frankly the invisible fascist can go fuck himself anyway. Thanks for making me this way, bang up job you can eater. Go make some more slaves, born dirty, to tell you love oh lord and saviour with your silken sponge heart and sinister exaggerations. I've already lived through hell because everything is on the other side of the window, LET ME THROUGH ALREADY
If I'm still a virgin at 27 and I did not try an adequate amount to alleviate my mind some then I'm paying to get my dick sucked. This is bullshit. How many unbathed, immobile, not working peons have I seen get friction on their flesh; uncountable. To actually have enough sense of self to just DO IT, FOR YOURSELF, I guess I really do hate myself. Or I did. I'm tired of that.
I'm sooooooo beautiful yet we GET OLDER AND ALONER. I think I will actually make a real attempt to try and meet virgin women. They are the ONLY ones who could possibly understand how I feel even though I'm positive their reasoning will be far different than mine. OUR ROADS WILL MEET AND THEN I WILL MEAT YOUR ROAD.
Ha. That felt good to type.
Being a man might actually be fun if I can ever wake up..
"not working peons"
are you trying to say or imply something about
people out of work?
I met my fiance on an online dating site, and it turned out we were both virgins in our mid 30s. While we both had a lot of friends and such all our lives, are decent looking and successful, we both were a bit shy in love and believed in waiting for marriage. The longer you wait for the right person, often the harder it is to believe it'll ever happen. I started to think something was wrong with me -- that maybe I was fundamentally "broken" in some way. It was then I realized it wasn't the sex part that was difficult... it was the emotional intimacy that was, and always had been, hard to accomplish. To let myself get really close to people, even friends, was often a vulnerability I couldn't afford (at least I thought). But when I turned 35, I decided to change my attitude, get out there and get going because I was determined to find a good man. And just three months later, a wonderful, handsome man with a beautiful heart found me online. A few dates later he revealed he was a virgin, much to my amazement, and it was a relief to both of us as I was too. In a few months, we will be married after two and a half years of dating. I've never been happier and I'm so glad now that I will have waited for the right person.
To everyone who thinks it can't happen, it CAN. Do what you need to to make your life and yourself better and be persistent in finding love and a good person. Someone once told me, "In order to find the right person, you have to BE the right person." And I think that is very true. God bless.
Hello wonderful commenters and thank you so much for sharing your stories!
As you probably know, I'm working on a film about virginity, and I'd love to interview older virgins and talk about some of the issues raised in these comments.
I understand that most people don't want to be identified as being older virgins, so I guarantee you will remain anonymous.
I also guarantee you'll be doing something amazing for others in the same situation: Letting people know they're not alone, are not freaks, and have nothing to feel shame or awkwardness about.
Please think about it and let me know at inf*at*trixiefilms*dot*com.
Thanks!
PS If you'd like to contribute to our first person series, check out the format here: http://bit.ly/1YnZ6W and send us an email with your story.
PS...My comments used to be ID'd as Trixie. So if you don't recognize me, I'm the gal behind this here blog...
I am a 31 year old male, and I am still a virgin. As it is with other commenters here, there are many reasons for this that stem all the way back to my childhood. events that accured, and the way that I was treated by my parents, sibblings, and classmates, throughout the years, all build up to my current state of being. I am not an ugly person physically, but my self confidents level tells me that i'm not an attractive person. I'm also not an ugly person mentally. I am very confident in saying that I am a very nice person. I have many friends, both male and female. I have no problem being myself with my friends aside from not letting out my "Secret". My "Problem", is with people i am not flamiliar with. Meeting new people I have some sort of subcontious way of going to a sort of defence mode. I pull away, my brain pretty much shuts out all other people around me. I suddenly have nothing to say or talk about. I feal uncomfortable and out of place, and I just want to leave.
I'v never really did much looking around to see if i'm strange for being a virgin befor. So i just put it in a search, and this site was listed as a result. I read some of the posts and now I see i'm not the only one. I see that other people are in the same sitiation, wiether it be by choice or not. And for that, thank you for this site, and if i can offer you any more info that would be helpfull to you, i'd be more than happy to give it.
I also am a 38 yr old male virgin. I want to die every day. I either have never attracted a woman or do not have the ability to recognise that someone is atracted to me. I bascally gave up after every woman i saked out in college and high school either laughed and never spoke to me again or just got away and never spoke to me again. One young woman took me home one night when i was 28 and promply freaked out because apparently i didn't know how to kiss. From then on i not only fear failure but also success. How many times a minute does a man think of sex? that's the number of times i remember i'm a pathetic freak
To the 38 year old virgin above. Here is the thing about that young woman. Do you think she kept that incident between you and her a secret or did she blabber it out to her girlfriends or anyone that happens to know the two of you? You see this is one of the reasons this makes your situation(and mine since I'm a tad bit older than you in the same situation). Networking is vital if someone wants to progress forward romantically but in our case networking is very risky in our situation. We need to take chances to solve this problem but who can you really trust with this very personal information. while I don't know you I would wager you're not a loser but what you probably interpret as you being a loser is you reacting to a large segment of the society just being blatant bigoted and prejudice to those who just happen to be older virgins. I don't know the solution. I don't.
BTW are you unemployed because if you are that would makes things just that much worse.
OK so it looks like we have something
called the Older Virgin First Kiss Dilemma
which I think can be described as follows.
Lets say you have an older virgin. Let
say he is 40 and hasn't even kissed a
woman before. Let say he hasn't totally
given up on his situation and still wants
to try and date. What age range of a woman
would or should he consider? Something
around his age like say 35-45 like most men
would? OK So lets try this out. Let say he
starts dating a woman and after some dates
it gets to the point that he finally gets to
Kiss the woman and thus being his first Kiss
ever.
Now are first kissed always awkward for almost
anyone? Ok lets just assume they are and so the
older virgin kisses the woman and its awkward
and the woman realized he has never kissed a
woman before even though he is 40. Is there any
doubt in anyone's mind that the vast vast
overwhelming majority of women experiencing that
situation would freak and then would have
absolutely no romantic interest in that 40 year
old virgin regardless of how much she was into
him before the dreaded first time kiss?
Furthermore the likelihood that she will keep
this incident to herself and not tell all her
girlfriends about it even if it includes people
the older virgin also knows is very remote I would
assume? If so and she decides to gossip about it
that would make for some very awkward and humiliating
situations if the older virgin runs into these
people at least regularly like at work. So therefore
from the standpoint of networking the older virgin
has to be really careful about who he considers
when dating. They can't know anyone he knows unless
its someone he can really trust(Like older married
person who would less likely to gossip about such
things rather than say a younger single person).
So would the solution to this date much younger
women? Ya right. That's not going to work either.
Younger women generally aren't going to be into
older men(unless they have a lot of money) and
especially if they are virgins not to mention other
problems so that's not going to work.
So in conclusion the older virgins seems to be
totally fucked(no ironic pun intended). There is no
escape for the older virgin. Their virginity at their
age will be known and can't be hid (unless they decided
just to give up on their situation completely and not
put themselves out their) and when their virginity is
known to whatever woman comes across it will be very
very slim that that woman will have any interest in
that older virgin regardless of how she felt about him
before she found out about his dreaded virginity(worse
than leprosy)
I've chimed in on this before, but I personally know two guys who didn't become sexually active until their late 30s, both with the women they ended up marrying. Neither was religious, but for various reasons, it was something that hadn't happened yet.
Although dating can be incredibly awkward, and not everyone you meet will be respectful, please don't assume that every woman out there is:
a) a lot more experienced than you
b) considers your experience any kind of deal-breaker
c) has any interest in humiliating you if things don't work out
Please hang in there....there are great people out there.
I am a 35 year old virgin. I have met men that I have felt a physical and mental attraction toward but unfortunately they were snapped up already by women who happened to be far from perfect! In general I don't think that I am too picky but I do know what I want and just can't seem to find it anywhere or perhaps am not looking in the right places. I am not a religious freak by any means but I do think that sex belongs in the vicinity of a committed relationship. And I do not judge male virgins to be undesirable, I actually have great respect for a man who can keep it is his pants, things like self-control and having standards are a definite turn-on in my book. It makes me sad to read about how older virgins (men and women)are ashamed of their virginity. The loneliness of not having someone in your life may be hard to bear but the potential that we all have to offer someone an evolved level of love and commitment is something to be proud not ashamed of.
What can I say being a 26 going on 27 virgin male??? It sucks. I'm not a Religious Christian nut, so sex before marriege aint no problem with me. I'm a tall fair looken man, but for some reason women sworm away from me like smoke in a beehive. Whats the problem with me? I dont smell bad I'm not even shy like I was most of my life anymore. Could it be a real Curse? because thats the only logical explanation I can think of.
I am a 38 year old male. I have had only one real girlfriend in my life and I am a technical virgin. I would perform cunnilingus on her, and would have mutual masturbation sessions, but never completed intercourse. My main issue is my penis size. I feel it is too small to properly maintain enough stimulation to maintain an erection and satisfy my partner. To make matters worse, I have a friend who is oversexed. She has slept with 30-40 guys and talks about sex constantly. I became attracted to her, and one drunken night, she wanted to have sex with me, but I backed out of it knowing that she would not be satisfied. She belittles men with small endowment. I feel like I am in hell. I want a relationship so badly, and walk around heartbroken all the time. It just seems that women today will drop you if you have issues with sex, and penis size is hard to correct without dangerous surgery. If I found a girl I really loved and she left me because of bedroom issues, I would put a gun in my mouth.
I'm a 52-year-old male virgin. In my case I'm rather asexual, just not interested in having sex with anyone. I had a girlfriend that I was involved with for over a year, we lived together and shared a bed, and I liked cuddling together, but I never wanted to get more sexual than that.
Ted
I kind of envy you. I'm a 40 plus year old
virgin(never had a girlfriend but came close
about 13 years ago) but I sure as hell DO
have sexual desire and have had it for years
and years. If I was an older virgin I would
at least wish I didn't have the desire or
little of it which sure has hell isn't the
case with me.
im 20 and wanna get some already to shy though
28 year old male virgin here. Hey this might be against the rules or whatever but fuck it, any of you girls wanna just meet so we can get it over with?? I'm frustrated and tired of being a virgin at my age and I just don't give a fuck anymore. Any girls feel the same let me know please and we can chat! t_t
My guess is that most women would be very suspicious of anyone claiming they are virgins
on the internet and then asking anyone if
they want to be their first.
Also be aware that should you get any
responses there could always be the
possibility that their motivation isn't
to have sex with you but to sandbag you.
There was one poster on here(administrator rightly deleted post) who knew an older
virgin from Oregon. No sex was involved
but this woman gave out his name, dissed
him and humiliated him once she found out
he was an older virgin.
So just keep that in mind
of course it would be near impossible to communicate when posting Anonymously
Look all you virgins out there. You need to go out and date. That is how you gain experience. It does not need to lead to sex, and the more you date the more comfortable you will feel around the opposite sex, so when the time comes you won't even feel any kind of pressure or anxiety. It is supposed to come natural because it is programmed into our brains to procreate. You learn to walk before you run and that adage holds true to everything in life including sex.
And please stop with the self-defeating attitudes. This attitude will not only infect your sex life but spread to the rest of your life as well. It's like a poor person saying he/she will never be able to afford something instead of trying to figure out a way to one day afford it.
HMMMM. Do I sense someone who is locked into a particular perspective and isn't about to look
at it from the perspective of someone else?
Do I sense a Republican with that analogy regarding the poor person?
I can predict the predictable responses.
I am a 38-year-old female virgin. It's not because of religious beliefs per say but more a product of circumstance...living with parents into early 30s, having anxiety, attending an all-girls high school. I've done sexual acts wtih one (my only) boyfriend a few years back but not intercourse. In some ways, I felt like I had waited so long to have intercourse that I didn't want to have it with my first boyfriend despite my age. Now, I wish I had. I haven't had a boyfriend since. Anyway. Life goes on. Hopefully a boyfriend and intercourse is my near future!
31 year old male virgin here. I just turned 31 last week. I think what did me in was shyness as a teen. I also had somewhat religious parents made us go to catholic church occasionaly. Sex before marriage was wrong. Well I grew older parents became less religious dad became alcoholic.
I came to despise alcohol and drugs to this day. I cannot stand to be around anyone while they are intoxicated. I was invited to parties I never went because I knew people would be drinking. I met girls in high-school but to me they were immature for me. I had a good friend who I though would become the one. We got pretty close but she was very anti social we hardly went anywhere public. Usually we sat at a park and talked or sat in the car and talked.
In the end it didn't work out because of her anti social ways I could not deal with it. I'd rather be single than have been with such a anti social female. I guess in the end the main reason for me being a virgin in my protecting parents. Then the alcoholism sealed the coffin I can't find a woman who feels like me about alcohol. My father and I hardly talk anymore.
I'm a divorced 37 yr old woman dating a 40 yr old virgin man. I am the first woman he has kissed, the first real relationship he has had. He's a little shy, but incredibly kind and treats me better than any man I've ever dated. We both attend a "wait until marriage" church, so my only sexual experience is with my ex-husband. My problem in marriage - our desire levels did not match - I wanted far more than he did. My concern in dating a 40 yr old virgin is that if we marry and become intimate, I will have the same problem I did before. Is it possible for a man to stay a virgin so long and still have a high sex drive?? Or am I dooming myself to the same fate I had before if I stay with him??
"Is it possible for a man to stay a virgin so long and still have a high sex drive?? Or am I dooming myself to the same fate I had before if I stay with him?? "
LOL!! I'm a 40+ year old virgin. If sex drive can be measured by how many times one
masturbates then I would say I have a very
high sex dive. Then again I suppose a
counter argument to that would be how would
I know what is a lot of masturbation? I guess
I wouldn't know since that would assume that there has been a study to measure such a thing(good luck finding such a study). But
sure seems like I think a lot about sex
as strange as that may sound coming from a
40+ year old virgin.
I am a 46 year old virgin who just split with ny first girlfriend. She wasn't going to give me sex so I gave her the elbow.
I'm going to lose it with an escort. I've already decided that I will commit suicide at 50. If I am still a virgin. I think 50 is the time to give up, and at last know true peace.
I am glad I found this post. I felt like i was alone. I am 36, female, and still a virgin. Unlike some posters on here, if someone finds out I'm still a virgin, they say, that's good. Although sometimes I wonder. :)
I know my upbringing probably has a lot to do with it. My shyness and self esteem as well. I slowly trying to work on that
I'm a 31 yr old male virgin, never had a girlfriend and only been on a handfull of dates. I'm not attractive in the slightess and I was late going through puberty (4 yrs after everyone else my age). This definately had an affect on me as females didnt show any interest in me until my mid/late 20's. By this time I was so nervous at the thought of sex that I developed a phobia/anxiety of being intimate and thus getting an errection is pretty much none existant when its required.
dustyninjacat said
"Unlike some posters on here, if someone finds out I'm still a virgin, they say, that's good. Although sometimes I wonder. :)"
I have a question and a statement about
that quote.
In what circumstance do you volunteer the
information that you're a virgin? How does
it come up because I am often puzzled about the
situations that give rise to someone admitting
they are an older virgin
about people's reaction and how they say its
good. Do you think that's because you're a
Woman rather than a Man? Do you think there is
less of a stigma for a woman to be an older virgin than a Man?
Anonymous...It was among coworkers, and the subject came up,(I don't remember how it was some years ago) then a female coworker, stated while laughing, " I don't think I know any virgins." To which I replied, "well, you know me don't ya?" An older coworker stated that that was good, I guess meaning, that I wasn't the one to have sex simply for the sake of having it.
Trust me I don't go around advertising I am an older virgin. LOL
I will have to say yes. I think it is because I am a female. There is a stigma in society virgin man vs virgin woman.
I am a 37 year old virgin male. I am a virgin by choice. I am straight and my religious beliefs have influenced my decision. I have completed college. I have lots of friends. I have a great job and make good money. I live by myself and have two cats. I have a great family. I have dated and have had girlfriends. I havnt dated anyone in a few months. I kind of feel like I have missed the boat on marriage. I wish I could find a virgin woman to be my wife because I feel like I have waited this long I could find someone like myself. Its just a struggle but I am happy with my life. I just feel like part of my life is missing. Yes. I do lie about sex to avoid answering so many questions. I am glad I came across this site......I want to encourage everyone to keep pressing on. For those who are shy and afraid of being hurt or rejected, stop! Hurt and rejection makes you stronger and makes finding the right one that much more special. Find some friends of the oposite sex and just hang out and have fun. Who knows? One of their friends might just be the one. Sex is just sex. Love is something special. Don't give up on yourself. I have plenty of friends that married late in life and started families. God bless you.
Hello eveyone
I am 24 yr old guy who lives in L.A.I lost my virginity a few years ago.While I am glad that is over with,I do regret being shy when I was a pre teen/teen.Naturally as I got around 18-19,I became more comfortable with girls.Even one time a distant cousin of mine who is the same age as myself,came from another country with her mom.She was really pretty,and one day I just casually went up to her while in the kitchen and kissed her.She did not even resist and just held my head.I am lucky in that my shyness evolved and died away.
Seems shyness during childhood is regarded as cute and normal,but by adulthood it is seen as a handicap.It is not nice to be very shy during adulthood.
The thing I regret is how I did not have sex or go out much with women when I was 13-16.Finding out how easy it is to approach a woman or kiss or sleep with her,makes me feel like I wasted those teen years being scared for nothing.
Anyways I moved on,and I wish people who are much older than me,in their 30's or 40's,were able to get over their shyness.For me I did not necessarily work on getting over my fears,it just naturally happened.I just grew up.
I just wished I NEVER shy at any age!
Good luck everyone,I wish you all the best!
While I posted as ANONYMOUS,feel free to respond.Call me DecemberLover,if you want to ask me a question or make a comment.I will check this blog out everyday.
Thanks
Thank you so much for sharing your story, December.
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